I can remember looking at myself in the mirror as a little girl and not being able to see the deepest parts of me. I remember tying all of these negative thoughts of myself to an image that had consumed me for my whole life. The image was so hurtful that the words felt like heavy weights that smashed every ounce of a compliment I received. Then over the years as I evolved, we would come to crossroads. I would have to face all of the words in my head face to face.
I came to realize that the deepest part of me just needed to be loved. There was no one else that could love the little girl who was told she would not be anything, the little girl who was never given attention, the little girl who knew how to give but never accepted anything, the little girl who took the words of a curse literally in her life. Words were life and death through life situations for me. I either spoke life through it or beat myself up through it. The words I spoke spoke to the deepest parts of me. My spirit either glowed like the sun or darkened like the pitch black of night.In my deepest darkest moments, I have realized that sunshine would be the strength for me to get through. Either imagining it or actually feeling it.
We grow up being formed into who those who raise us believe we should be. We become what we see around us. We become the action and behavior we experience. We treat others how we have seen treatment. We may break hearts. We may hurt feelings. We may try to do the unthinkable if we are not careful. We speak words that express how we feel whether it is joy or insecurity. They can either be life or death as they hit fresh air from our lips. Sometimes I suffocate on the words that were sent like daggers to me as I grew up. They cut so deep that I feel my heart break sometimes into a thousand pieces.
On my everyday journey, I am learning that I am always loved. Of course by God, but then by my future husband, friends and the family God is providing for me each and every step of the way. The thing about having a lot of pain in your life, you know love when you see it because it is so different. It is a love that reminds you that you are worthy. It reminds you that your life is worthy. It reminds you that love wins through all. Love will get you through the darkness to the end of the tunnel. Love will shine through your darkest days.
So, why not choose love? Through depression, suicidal thoughts, self sabotage, self hate, long emotional days, anxiety, stress, burnout and overwhelming days choose love. Choose to speak love into yourself. Choose you so much that you never forget to pick yourself up every time you fall. You are the love of your life no matter how hard it is to accept. The love comes from deep down inside. You have to go and find that little girl who is holding on to all the hurt and pain and love her. You are going to have to remind her that she is beautiful. She is courageous. She is strong. She is a fighter. Without her you would not have made it this far. And, that she can be loved so deeply that you can become one. That is truly healing.
An emotional and deep healing will be a true solution for a “broken heart”. You will have to come to a place where you let bygones be bygones and you stop blaming. You start to realize that you can feed yourself the truth and become full of love. Love can be the core of who you are. You can be light and love, Queen! It is your choice whether you will fully experience love for yourself. At this moment, you can either choose to live or die. Living is living life abundantly. It is taking life to another life and allowing yourself to love on a higher level and that love can only come from within.
It begins with speaking life into yourself...maybe complimenting your looks, your hair, congratulating yourself for overcoming a toxic relationship, saying no to an outing to get some time with yourself, reflecting on past trauma so you can heal, going to therapy, or taking yourself out on a solo date. It may include affirmations, journaling, therapy, sticky notes all over the house. It may be long nights, early mornings, crying in the middle of the day. It may be smiles on a sunny day, It may be feeling your heartbeat in the present moment. Just fall in love with yourself deeper than ever. Do it all for the woman you are becoming, she will appreciate the self love you have put in to enhance her glow, Queen!
Let it be a word of love…
Love & Light
Peace & Blessings