All my life I was told something that should be something that a girl would want to live up to. But honestly the way that it was told to me it was something that I would never want to be like because it hurt. It brought so much pain. It was the words, "You are going to be just like your mom." Those words hurt so bad that it is still taking me every single day to get through. In my view growing up, the perspective that I curated through peoples opinions and words was not as positive. I ran away from being anything that would amount to any of the ideas around me being like my mom...well what was insinuated like being crazy, dependent, not being successful, being strange or not amounting to anything. These things were stated as I had bad behavior as a child or made bad decisions as a teenager.
I ran away from myself for so long. I hid behind a smile for so long that I honestly got tired of it. I fought myself to believe better. It took a lot of work. I can say that I am still healing but I had to choose to do that first. Throughout college I can remember the struggle it took to building my spiritual life. I knew that what I went through as a child, teenager and young adult had meaning. I knew that I just wanted to feel better than I had been feeling and honestly that very feeling I was searching for led me to seek God. I wanted a deep spiritual healing because my heart had been broken and my feeling hurt.
BUT, the one thing I learned through the years of healing is to lean on the truth. You have to know what is true and what is not. You have to learn to always protect the truth in your heart because many things are out there to misguide you and get you off your course. Trust me, I know. People do not know any better so they will feed you what has been nourishing them, not what you need to be nourished. That is why you need to build a relationship with yourself where you can come in tune with what is true. You need to figure out what lies have been fed to you and stop consuming them. Feed yourself the truth, so you can be strong in it.
When I started on my spiritual journey four years ago, I honestly did not see myself being who I am today. It is like something automatically changed. Like a switch that was turned on. I began to practice being spiritually well. Now I have had my stages of exploring spirituality but the best part of it was realizing that God's promises to us are real. Even though I still feel like a baby in this journey of spirituality, I always see where God's presence in my life is revealed. That has been the hugest blessing in my life by far. I learned to love the journey and realize that it is not a destination. I keep evolving and growing and I love every bit of it.
There are so many promises of God. So many that we will all have a beautiful lifetime of experiencing. As I am in the process of healing, there are some things that I lean on. That is my favorite bible verse that I live by:
Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not into your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to Him and He will lead your paths straight."
That is my life. I am telling you. But I want to share some bible verses I came across one morning in my quiet time that reminded me about the promises of God during this healing journey I am going through.
1. Jeremiah 17:14 :: O Lord, if you heal me, I will be truly healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for you alone!
2. Psalm 103:2-3 :: Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.
3. Proverbs 17:22 :: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
4. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 :: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
I pray these help within your journey to seeking the truth in your life and allowing God to reveal to you the great promises and plans He has for your life. Keep your head up and your faith higher. Take the time to take care of you and learn yourself. Do what you have to do to grow spiritually. Having a strong spiritual wellness area deals a lot with you knowing you. Step by step, road by road the journey is for enjoying. Keep growing spiritually, Queen!
Peace & Blessings,