Although we go through life doing all the things, it is important that we do not forget that we need to always be well inside. I mean that tender love and care for ourselves. I mean that deep inner feeling you feel when you are on cloud 9. That feeling where you can feel the joy and light leaving your body. Most times we are never able to get to that point in life because we are so down and out and hurt about something. We are never able to touch that life because of the darkness that fills us when we even try to reach. It is because there is still some work that is needed to be done within us. There are some things that still need to be worked out before we can be the light and salt of the work. We have to do the inner work and work on us. Work on our heart that has been hurt and broken.
I was there in my undergrad years and I remember doing all of the things and battling with bleeding out on others. I remember struggling with people’s ideas of who I was when they first met me. It was more so either mean, stuck up or having an attitude. And I really battled with that. I mean I would lock myself in my dorm room outside of times of having to perform for my different positions. I remember crying myself to sleep knowing that I was bleeding out but no one even knew how to stop the bleeding. No one. Not a Band-Aid or quick fix this world gives could heal that scar. It took days with God and crying out and God reminding me who I am to heal those deep cut wounds. It is amazing how we think we can cure things by masking it...covering it up. Now we begin to bleed out on others and hurt them. It may show up in how we treat others. It may show up in your friendships. You are blaming them but you were the toxic one. Whew, that was deep but we are getting somewhere. You have to realize you and what you did that is a big heart of brokenness is that we try to blame others and never try to just deal with us and how we can begin forgiving ourselves. You can not control or make up or suffer for someone else’s wrong doings. Once, you learn that you will begin to heal. Listen, there is a huge lesson that comes with learning your part in it. Once, that comes and you will need something bigger than you to help carry you through the hard times. You will have some tough times and days and you may even be broken and not know what is next. But, I am here to tell you that there is better and the day you start to walk INTENTIONALLY with God on your healing journey you will be so much better!
But, I need you to know that you will come out of this and that your broken heart will not last forever and you will be better. Take this time of healing and meditate on these scriptures.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”