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Let Your No, Be Your No...That's All!

This week we are talking about saying NO. And, not even feeling an ounce of bad about it. Sometimes we take on the ability to think that we can make everyone happy if we do exactly what they say do. We begin to run ourselves crazy and rapid with all of these different things to do.Our lives then become busy and we are left tired and alone without the help we need.


Saying “NO” has been something that I have struggled with for years. It is like when someone asks me something to add to my already hectic calendar, I freeze. It is because for one I want to say what I really mean and not look like I am being mean. Number two I just do not want to do it at all. But my crazy self says yes every time knowing that I am easily taking time from myself each time. Not just any time but time to rest, relax and recollect myself.


Sometimes you can be truly blocking yourself from what you need to do. And, no I am not talking about your lovely written out to-do list. I am talking about your growth. You need time to breathe and hear yourself. You need time to be authentically you. You need time to love who you are and whose you are. How are you going to level up and never even have that time to sit with yourself and figure out what that means. No ma'am, you are setting yourself up if you think being there for everyone else is helping your growth. Issa lie. You can not show up for others in your wholeness if you are not genuinely healthy internally and externally. Show up for yourself, you will thank yourself for it later.


But my commitments don't allow me to…

Where is the commitment to yourself? It is totally unfair not to schedule in time for self-care and growth for your well being. You will need to become a better you each day, so you need to incorporate that into your schedule. If your schedule is to packed to where you can not take any time for yourself, you need to definitely let some things going. There is some serious adjustments that need to be made because you are your biggest investment and if you can not put anything into yourself, then there is A LOT wrong honey! Commitments should be for the most part things that you love or love to do. If not, reevaluate your commitments and see if it is truly what you need to be investing your time into. Take more time to love yourself with including time for self-related commitments.


But my family and friends need me…

Girl, do not be hurt if you decline these outings and events with your friends and family. If they truly are your friends and family, they will understand. There will be more days and times to spend with them, trust me! When you begin to take the necessary time that you need for self-care, rejuvenation and your personal needs, you will see people’s true colors. Speaking from experience, people will begin to show you whether they support you or not simply by their verbal and non-verbal communication. I can tell you that I have said “NO” plenty of times to my close friends and family and they have understood because they believe in my overall wellness and if I am tired I will not be my best. You need people in your life that can add to your life in positive ways. You need that friend or sister that is going to say “Go to bed!”, “Get some rest, hun.”, “Okay, love see you next time.” It is okay that you need to take a break and say no to the outing or the event. You need to say YES to your mind, body and spirit. That is the truth!


But my man needs me…

Excuses… excuses is what I hear, lol. But seriously I hear this one all the time and being in a relationship with my now fiance’ for more than five years, I have fell victim to this as well. Leave him with the lack of respect he has for you to become a better you. One thing that I have to brag about on my man is he wants me to be my best and he knows that I need time to myself to do that (introvert problems…). But you need someone in your life that respects your growth and understands that you will have to say “NO” sometimes to preserve your mind, body, spirit, space and energy. And, that is okay. Girl, your man will be fine and if he loves you he will respect all that you do because of that love. Speaking from experience, he will honor the love that you show yourself because you are showing him how to love you. :)



Say No and take these action steps…


#1 Breathe

The house will not burn down. The kids will be okay. The job will be there when you get back. Your man will love you like he loved you yesterday. Breathe and take a moment to realize that you are amazing. Sit in that moment and be okay with who you are and what you have accomplished. Tomorrow is a new day!


#2 Rest

You can not be good for everyone if you are not first good for yourself. Yep, the truth! I have honestly been slammed for the last five going on six years until I began to start saying “NO” because I was exhausted. I was literally not getting rest and living off of coffee highs. Until one day i got frustrated and started to understand that I was the only issue to the reason I was not getting any rest. I was not even showing up to my morning and sleep routines. Sadly, I was turning into a grouch too. Welp, I learned shortly that my weekends were going to start becoming my time to rest and rejuvenate. Rest is good for the mind, body and soul. Even Jesus rested honey so you need to get rest too!


#3 Plan & Prepare

Planning out your schedule is a plus for scheduling in some me time. You need to schedule in your priorities of course. Try to plan out as much as you can so you will not run into a schedule you can not face. You do not want to drown yourself in to-dos to the point you do not have time for yourself to at least breathe. I know you want to do all of these amazing things to save the world but look be strategic. Rome was not built in a day so let me tell you to plan out that dream to Superwoman too. You need to relax and choose those things that you really will give your all to and those things that will give their all to you (like your friends, family and man!) But over those priorities and stuff remember to put yourself first. You deserve to have some time to yourself and tell some people “NO”. Shoot, No is a good word for your mental health. Learn how to do that and you will be able to extinguish most of the fires in your life. You deserve it!


Now look, I am not a therapist or any wellness professional yet (working on my level up in those areas so be on the lookout) but honestly in my heart I feel the need to speak to a young woman who is struggling with saying “NO”. I have been there. I have said yes to everyone but myself. I was stretching myself so much losing myself in the process and was left with nothing when I was alone. Saying “NO” is okay. You may can do it at another time. You may just need some rest today. You may just need to preserve your energy today for something else. And, that is totally okay.


5 Ways to Say No

1. No,Thank You.

2. I’m sorry, I am busy.

3. Maybe next time.

4. I can not commit to that at this time.

5. I would love to, but at this time that is not something I can do at this time.


Girl you better start looking after yourself and say NO when you have to. Let your yes be your yes and your no be your NO!


What are you saying “No” to this week? Comment below.


Peace & Blessings!

Toni




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